The Countdown Has Begun

My firstborn turns eighteen today. These words don’t seem possible. Sometimes when she’s talking to me late at night, I still picture a toddler standing by my bed, explaining in broken speech why she’s gotten out of her own bed. It’s the same sweet face and the same tender heart, but now here stands a beautiful young woman, speaking with clarity and conviction. My Lillie is ready to launch into adulthood. The countdown has begun.

I do not know the date in August when we will move her into the conservatory. I don’t want to know it; my heart isn’t ready. It’s some future day on the calendar that I have dreaded since she was in the womb. I remember driving home from the baby store having just purchased a crib. Patrick and I spoke about how time would fly. We dreamed of making the most of it. One of us mentioned that we would blink and the crib would convert into a big-kid bed, and then we would blink again, and it would be a headboard for a teenager’s bed. We both started crying—and we hadn’t even met her yet!

Liliana Gabriel Fata was born at 7:59 a.m., May 1, 2007. The morning sun shone through the window and landed on my face while I labored to bring her into the world. With this new dawn, our lives changed forever. Our dark-haired baby girl’s first cry sounded like my name, “Maaa, maaa, maaa.” She spoke to my heart with her very first breath.

Patrick and I can’t mention the rapidly approaching fateful day at the end of summer without welling up. We’re aware that the countdown has begun, but we take comfort in believing she’s ready. In God’s good grace, He will prepare our hearts for this letting go. I wish I could report that we have no regrets in our parenting, that we always made the most of our time. It seems we still fail every day! Even while trying to absorb these precious hours, they slip through our fingers like water. And when we try to hold on, we end up clipping her wings instead of being the wind beneath them. This launch season is not for sissies! 

I am aware that I must fire myself from certain parenting jobs in order to protect my future role as the mother of an adult. I stumble through this endeavor every single day. I’m not a fan of this process, but I know the Lord has purposed it, so I swallow hard and put one foot in front of the other. I remind myself of the tremendous blessings of these eighteen years, and I swell up with gratitude. Every evening, I give Lillie back to the One who gave her to me. She stands by my bed, holds my hand, and I sing the same song she’s heard at bedtime for eighteen years…

Love came down from heaven
May first, two-thousand-seven
The sun shone through the window bright
Lit the room and filled our lives
Never been the same since love came
Love came down from heaven

Tonsil Stones

I woke up one day last week with a sore throat. I realize no one appreciates this kind of awakening, but for me, it is truly tragic. I have often joked that when I go down I feel like a victim. Who got me sick and how dare they breathe on me! Losing my vocal health is devastating to our schedule and income. So, per my usual, I launched into deep prayer, pleading with the Lord not to let this be true sickness, to sustain me in one of the most hectic springs my family has ever known. 

The right side of my throat and neck felt swollen, making swallowing or even talking miserable, and my ear also ached. When I shined a light on the back of my throat I learned I was not alone! Two white jagged rocks had taken up residence in my tonsil folds. What in the world? 

After some research, Patrick and I determined these were tonsil stones, probably caused by allergy drainage. I am always relieved to learn I am not “truly sick” when fighting allergies. But on the flip side, they have led to some of my worst bouts with sickness. Allergies seem to be every Indiana resident’s nemesis. And if they aren’t yet, just wait. They can begin at any stage of life. Super fun.

So what was I to do with my new rocky friends? I gargled with salt water. I tried to cough them away. I even tried to poke them with a Q-tip but that made me gag. These dudes had come to stay! According to Mr. Google, the longer they remain, the more damage they will cause, so I needed to evict them. But how? Someone suggested using a wet Q-tip. So, armed with a warm mug of salt water and some dipped tips, I went to war. Sweet victory! Thankfully, after their removal, it wasn’t long before my sickness symptoms disappeared.

What I find intriguing about this whole ordeal is that though it is April (second only to September for my worst allergy month), I had not been experiencing severe allergy symptoms. These stones seemed to come out of nowhere! So of course, a spiritual analogy must be made…

How often do we unknowingly let sinful thoughts or habits exist in our lives? It is only when the nasty effects of them appear that we realize a problem is on our plate. This feels too late to me. How do we preemptively strike our sin? The author of Psalm 19 has the answer:

How can a young man keep his way pure?
By keeping it according to Your word.

With all my heart I have sought You;
Do not let me wander from Your commandments.

I have treasured Your word in my heart,
So that I may not sin against You.

Blessed are You, LORD;
Teach me Your statutes.

With my lips I have told of
All the ordinances of Your mouth.

I have rejoiced in the way of Your testimonies,
As much as in all riches.

I will meditate on Your precepts
And regard Your ways.

I shall delight in Your statutes;
I will not forget Your word.
(Psalm 119:9–16)

The psalmist expresses a deep, abiding affection for God’s truth. He knows it is the only path to freedom and spiritual health. He seeks it, treasures it, learns from it, expresses it, rejoices in it above all else, meditates upon it, and delights in the memorization of it. He explains why he does all of this: “So that I might not sin against You.”

Our greatest defense against any stones of sin moving in and taking residence in us, causing us spiritual sickness, is to shield our lives with Scripture. We take cover under its protection. God has provided a way for spiritual freedom and health. Do we love His Word as the psalmist does? Do we treasure it so that we might not sin against our Heavenly Father?

A preemptive strike is easier than having to fight a long battle. It also spares us harm. Friends, let’s arm ourselves with the shield of the Word, and maybe some Allegra, too. 

I Hope To Do Better Next Time

When we are falsely accused and in a way that would tarnish the name of Christ, we must clear our name for the sake of His. When our character is in question though we are innocent, it is beneficial to our witness to maintain an honorable reputation. However, there are times when defending ourselves isn’t necessary. We are called to turn the other cheek when slapped. Jesus calls us to put others before ourselves. He said, 

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I say to you, do not show opposition against an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other toward him also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak also.” (Matthew 5:38–40)

I was verbally attacked on the phone last night even though I was completely innocent of the accusations thrust at me. I wish I could report that I turned the other cheek and let my accuser vent her inappropriate frustration to the fullest. I wish I could write that I gently and lovingly prodded her to discover the real issue at hand. I wish I could say that I ministered to the broken pieces of her heart and let her know that her deep need for love and acceptance was seen. But sadly, no. Instead, I defended my slapped face and released a verbal thrashing of my own. Sigh.

I have always been able to articulate my feelings with a passionate determination to right wrongs and set records straight. At times, this has served me well. But it is a blessing and a curse. Last evening, I saw the negative effects of my quick tongue. After the phone call, I was equally angry with this woman and myself! I know better. I knew what needed to happen to put out her fire, and I didn’t do it. My defense, though justified, was not necessary, and I found myself grieved, even convicted in my spirit.

I sent her an apology for my tone of voice. She then proceeded to share all the inner workings of her heart that had led to misjudging me and attacking me. Thankfully, my witness is still intact, and I have the potential to minister to her and her family in the future. But I am saddened that my desire for vindication trumped her need to be heard. I was surprised by both my level of anger and my willingness to display it. I truly do not remember the last time I spoke in such a way.

Sin is always crouching at the door. We learn this from the third person to ever exist who also happens to be the first person to be born in sin! Cain’s anger toward his brother Abel caused the Lord to say, “Why are you angry? And why is your face gloomy? If you do well, will your face not be cheerful? And if you do not do well, sin is lurking at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it.” (Genesis 4:6–7)

Sin was obviously lurking at my door. God is gracious to humble me and to grow me in this way. I am thankful for the reminder this failure brings: I am redeemed and set free from my sin because of Christ’s sacrifice. He made Himself of no reputation and He intends to do the same with me. Through His strength, I can master my every inclination to defend myself, exalt myself, or prove myself in any way. Rather, I can choose to lean into my union with Him and calmly analyze the real issue at hand. I can view my attackers as more important than myself. By God’s grace, next time I will. 

Safekeeping

Last weekend, Patrick and I flew to northeastern Pennsylvania to minister in music to couples attending a retreat at Montrose Bible Conference. It was a precious time of fellowship in the faith. During our Saturday evening concert, we asked the audience to help us write a song! The conference theme for the weekend was baseball, so Patrick and I arranged a version of “Take Me Out the Ball Game” and presented it to them in its newer, slower, lower, and harmonically rich style. 

I then asked the couples to pick a theme from their marriage and a corresponding passage of Scripture. After a time of sharing, we voted on the theme of God’s goodness and sovereign hand through our hardships. Then the lyric writing began! Patrick and I were impressed with everyone’s willingness to participate. We processed a lot of great lyrical ideas. I took the song back to our room and finished writing it. Patrick then engraved a score, and we passed it out the next morning and sang it during the worship service. What a sweet experience!

If you are currently in a difficult season of life, I pray these lyrics will be a blessing to you. Remind yourself of His sovereign goodness over your trials and rest assured that your soul is in safekeeping. 

SAFEKEEPING
Lord, You know all my troubles
Lord, You know all my fears
You are my refuge, my hiding place
Teach me to shelter in Your strong embrace
When the night is long and so lonely
When affliction is mine
I am never crushed, forsaken, or lost
I am wholly Thine

Lord, my days are before You
Ev’ry breath from Your hand
In days of feasting or days of drought
In times of resting or moments of doubt
You have held my soul in safekeeping
Pulled me out of the dark
Before time began You called me by name
And You claimed my heart

You are Lord of the ages
You are Author of life
Lord of the land, of the sea, the sky
Lord of the day and each star of the night
So I’ll praise You in ev’ry season
Open hands, calloused knees
For You rule, You reign, You carry Your own
And You’re all I need

Music by Albert von Tilzer /arr. Amy and Patrick Fata
Lyrics by Amy Branson Fata and the attendees of the Montrose Bible Conference Couples’ Retreat, February 8, 2025 © 2025 Portion Music

It Is Not Me

When I ponder what is coming my way
 I have two options for my day:

Pull the covers over my head 
 and enter that place of gloom and dread

Or face the giants with courage and grace
 and look to Heaven to see the face

Of the One who holds all things together
 He commands both rain and sunny weather 

He chooses what my path will hold
 I choose to be cowardly or bold

One day on dry land with fish and bread
 The next in a boat with storm overhead

Either way, I rest in a truth wonderful and large:
 It is not me who is in charge

But our God is in the heavens;
He does whatever He pleases. (Psalm 115:3)

My Paint Thinner

One of the new Christmas decor items I purchased on sale last year was damaged when I pulled it out of the box. The clay portion of the bottom was broken into several pieces. I super-glued it back together, discovering that one piece was still missing. As we were cleaning up after hours of unpacking and decorating, I found the missing piece! I was so happy. I grabbed the glue and began the careful surgery once more, though apparently I wasn’t careful enough! I pressed my thumb down on the piece to secure it, and when I lifted up my hand, the clay piece came with me! 

I had super-glued the clay to the end of my thumb. It was utterly sealed it to my skin! I yelled for Patrick, and he began researching what to do. One person suggested nail polish remover, so we started there. Nope. Another suggestion was paint thinner. I soaked my thumb and its clay compadre for thirty minutes. Slowly, it began to loosen. Finally, the piece came off, leaving a remnant of gray clay in its place for me to sport around for a few days. That’s fine! I was perfectly content to have at least lost my new appendage!

While I was soaking in paint thinner I told my family, “There’s a spiritual lesson in this.” They all laughed at me since this is my usual response to most situations, but it’s true! So here goes…

Sometimes we believe we are doing the right thing. We grab our glue and our well-meaning intentions, and we work diligently to fix a problem. We believe we are doing our part, the Lord’s work even. We assume we are operating in a healthy place as we measure and paste. But if our labor is done in our own strength, we are sorely misguided. The problem we set out to repair becomes a bigger problem, because our work is ineffectual. We are susceptible to the broken pieces of the problem permanently attaching themselves to us. 

I have seen this in my life. I have entered scenarios in full-blown savior mode, ineffectually striving to move mountains in my own power. Instead of the issue disappearing, it sticks to me permanently! As a believer, this need not be the case. To be in union with Christ is to rest in His effectual work. Only He cleanses. Only He heals. Only He delivers. Only He saves. Christ alone is Savior. 

I am typing these words with a gray-tipped thumb; the “scar” from my glue adventure remains. I bear many such scars from moments when I wasn’t careful. But by His grace, I now view them as reminders of my spiritual education. I am growing stronger every day in the reality that I am not in charge. I do not need to be the savior. There is only One who can solve my sticky scenarios. Christ Jesus is my Paint Thinner. 

Commit your way to the Lord;
    trust in him, and he will act. (Psalm 37:5)

Working and Waiting

As I drove my daughter home from ballet rehearsal, I shared a story with her from my junior year of high school. We had an extracurricular choir at our school, called Chorale, made up of the cream-of-the-crop singers. Of all the students auditioning to get into this choir, I was the only one who was consistently performing. In fact, I was the only one who planned to be a music major in college. However, I did not make the cut. I was shocked and dismayed. The choir director was even my personal voice teacher!

She explained to me that there were some vocal skills she wanted me to refine. I was to “work while I wait.” As you can imagine, I was devastated. This cut made me question everything about myself as a singer. Should I still even pursue music?

A year of hard work passed, and it was time for Chorale auditions once again. This time, not only was I accepted as a vocalist, but my teacher also asked my opinion concerning who else she should include in the group! My junior-year trial had inspired hard work and determination resulting in my senior-year triumph. My director’s trust in me was evidence of my personal growth.

As I shared this narrative with my daughter, I recognized the additional fruit stemming from that painful event in my life. Now, I could use this story to inspire Sabrina in her own area of “working and waiting.” And perhaps she will one day do the same for her daughter. 

We have no idea what the Lord is choosing for our lives nor why He is choosing it. What we do know is that He is working in us and through us for the sake of His good name and for the growth of His kingdom. 

May our failures or losses never defeat us. Instead, may we surrender them into His hands, believing He sees the big picture, knows best, and is sovereign on His throne. May we resolve to trust Him and to rest in Him while we work and wait. 

Wait for the Lord;
     be strong, and let your heart take courage;
     wait for the Lord! (Psalm 27:14)

The Quiet

At the end of September, I believed my fall allergies were getting the best of me. Unfortunately, they weren’t to blame for my throat problems. Neither was Covid or strep throat. Some wicked virus had attached itself to me and remained my close companion for weeks. Laryngitis set in and I ended up missing rehearsals, voice lessons, choir classes, and worship services. Patrick had to double up on household and driving duties. But the biggest concern was potentially missing a women’s conference that had been on my calendar since January. 

During these days of total silence, several interesting occurrences took place. One sunny afternoon, I thought I’d try to get some vitamin D and returned from my lawn chair with over twenty no-see-um bug bites all over my body. I also learned I had disappointed a dear friend and had been doing so for months, which brought great sorrow. The list goes on of various discouraging scenarios that found me in the quiet. 

I am not a quiet person by nature. I forget how noisy I am until I can’t be! Apparently, I sing or hum constantly. Countless times, I caught myself attempting to do so to no avail. Nothing would come out! And as I would listen to my family converse, I became keenly aware of the myriad of comments I normally would add. When you must choose what is truly worth saying, you realize that not much is actually needed! By putting me in the quiet, the Lord was revealing new sections of my heart that needed refinement.

God was gracious to give me enough voice for two speaking sessions on the second day of the conference. I awoke that morning covered in peace and feeling better than I had in weeks. He even answered my prayer that I would wake up just a few minutes before my alarm rang. I felt totally sustained by His tender hand.

Our drive to the event was restful as we watched the sun peek out over the horizon. Setup was easy and all was well. A few minutes before starting time, I went to the restroom to put on my microphone. The worship team began the music—two songs, then I was on. I attempted to bring the earpiece of the mic though the back of my shirt. Immediately, I realized this was a poor decision, but there was no turning back. I contorted my body and tangled my hair, and after much trial and tribulation, succeeded. But then I realized the black foam piece of the microphone was missing! Was it still in my shirt? Had it fallen into my purse with its five pockets open? Was it on the bathroom floor? The music kept playing from the other room and I began to panic. 

My heart was racing as I searched high and low. My peace was fleeing. I stopped and put my hands on the sink counter and bowed my head in desperation, “Lord, help me!” Immediately, a sweet woman entered the bathroom, and I told her my dilemma. She quickly found the missing piece and I was on my way. I recomposed myself with a grin recognizing this last attempt from the enemy to undo this day’s purpose, an event ordained for my life since before time began. 

Lord, You are my God; 
I will exalt You, I will give thanks to Your name; 
For You have worked wonders, 
Plans formed long ago, with perfect faithfulness. (Isaiah 25:1)

Forces of evil can do nothing without the permission of God. His plans were formed long ago, and with perfection. Satan had to ask God to afflict Job. And Jesus told Simon Peter, “Satan has [begged] for the opportunity to destroy you” (Luke 22:31). The enemy makes not one move without the okay from a higher power. 

I can imagine the Lord saying, “You may go this far and no further.” How thankful I am for His constraining hand! My Father allows what my heart needs. He is interested in my spiritual surety. He desires that I lean on Him alone. When I live with this kind of understanding and trust, nothing can undo me. I shared with the women at the conference that any “woe is me” mindset disappears when we remember He alone is in charge. We rest in the noise. We rest in the quiet.

Be still, and know that I am God. (Psalm 46:10)

We Won’t Ever Forget It

In August, my family was blessed to spend five nights and four days at the ocean. My brother and sister-in-law were generous to give us their resort points for Myrtle Beach. The trip came at a time when we didn’t feel we could take it, but also at a time when we needed it most. 

The summer months had flown by and there were many untended items left on our to-do list. The demands of fall were quickly approaching and the last thing we should have been doing was sitting on a beach! But four plane flights for the price of one were booked—we had to go! 

We have always preferred the lush, shell-filled sands of the Gulf of Mexico over the firm, flat shore of the Atlantic Ocean. However, our time on the East Coast proved to be incredibly dear. Each day at dusk the water would recede, leaving a smooth glass top to walk on. There were no shells or sticks, no bugs or birds, just a warm mirror under our feet reflecting the blue-grey sky. It was stunningly special. We four would stroll with wonder, exploring little channels of water rippling here and there, creating multifaceted diamond currents. It was an unexpected calm in our chaos that we will never forget it.

While we were packing up to leave, our fourteen-year-old daughter sat on the porch of our condo. Children were playing in the pool with the vast ocean behind them. Sabrina was tearily taking in one last time this scene she’d grown to love. She was expressing all the feels each of us held inside. It was time to face reality, to return to the daily grind, and resume chipping away at unfinished tasks. Sigh. We encouraged her that it would be sadder to have never experienced this adventure in the first place. 

I’d asked the Lord to give us some special moments together before we had to be at the airport that evening. We set out on a day of unknowns, but God was gracious to answer my prayer. We stumbled upon a bucket-list item of Sabrina’s that she’d heard of others doing: driving motorized stuffed animal scooters around a mall! Lord, You are hilarious. 

The day concluded with sitting idly on the tarmac awaiting our plane’s co-pilot till after midnight, giving us time to socialize with the young man in the seat next to us. We ended up driving him to his new apartment in downtown Indianapolis at 3 AM. This was certainly a trip to remember!

You’re probably wondering where the spiritual application is. There is none. I only wish to express my gratitude to the Lord for this precious getaway which we didn’t feel we could take but which was what we needed most. We won’t ever forget it.

When Things Aren’t What They Seem

People look at my family on social media or when we are out and about or even sitting in the church pew and think we have it all together. I’ve been placed on a pedestal my entire life because of being in ministry. I was born into ministry and I will die in ministry. The result is often a stereotype that my family is perfect, or at least thriving at life.

There is some sort of mystery associated with being a musician, and being married to a debonair Frenchman and raising two daughters who are also artsy adds to the charm. My family and I travel and perform and compose and do everything together and, well, we just aren’t “normal.” Maybe this is why individuals have said things to me like, “I want your life” or even, “I want to be you.” 

The reality is our poo stinks like everyone else’s. Not only do we experience trials and sorrows and frustrations, but shortcomings and failures are on daily display at the Fata house. On any given day here, you can find self-focus, pride, anxiety, fear, anger, poor stewardship, or even gluttony—especially if it’s a birthday! My point is that sanctification is in full swing here, and sometimes it is ugly.

My firstborn was baptized yesterday at age seventeen. Liliana claimed Christ at a tender age, but not until recently has she understood the joy and freedom that is truly hers in Him. She was eager to publicly express her faith. I pray hearers were blessed, but perhaps they were also shocked. Liliana has struggled with darkness and fear for many years. No one can fathom the paths we have trod with things that counselors have never even heard of. It has been a lonely and grievous journey at times. 

The Lord has been gracious to shine His light of Truth upon Lillie and lead her out of depression and falsehood. She was radiant in those baptismal waters yesterday, and my cheeks were equally wet with tears. This scene was possible through Christ alone. I am beyond grateful for the work He has done in my baby girl. Below is her personal testimony. May it be purposed for His glory now and forever!

Testimony of Liliana Fata

I am blessed to have been born and raised in a Christian home. My parents always made sure to provide a good model of a Christ-led life for my sister and me. At age six, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior and have since then, because of doubt, prayed the same prayer that He would be Lord of my life hundreds of times more. 

As long as I can remember, I’ve struggled with crippling anxiety. Child-like fear grew into legitimate phobias. In eighth grade, I began having panic attacks consistently, and for years they never died down. I was often absent from school, refused to go on stage for performances, and even missed church. 

On top of this, in middle school, I began to suffer from joint pain, often at high levels, from my knees to my elbows. This prevented me from doing the things I loved most: I had to sit out on full semesters of dance and stop practicing violin for months at a time. 

All this filled me with dread for daily activities and for my future as a whole. I went into a dark place and found joy in nothing, even in the things I had previously enjoyed most. Depression had become a normal part of each day.

Throughout my whole life I have considered myself to be a Christian. However, when my loved ones would ask me when I was planning to be baptized, my response was always that I did not think I was ready. I felt that if I were to be baptized and declare my faith publicly, it would be a lie. I had let myself succumb to so many panic attacks and dark thoughts, and had not sought God in trying times. How could I then truthfully call myself Christian? 

For years, I had a misconstrued vision of what life in Christ looks like. I let my perfectionism dictate how I viewed my relationship with Him. I thought, “I’m still dealing with the same sins and struggles. I’ll declare my faith once everything’s been fixed and I’m ‘made new.’” The truth is that He did die so that we could be made new. But we are still going to deal with sin while we are on this earth. 

Romans 5:8 says, “But God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Earlier in the same passage, Paul proclaims that “We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” 

I now understand that a life in Christ is built on hope. My salvation is not determined by who I am or what I’ve done, but rather who He is and what He’s done. 

I know that my struggles have purpose, and that the only cure for my sin is Him. Through Christ, my anxiety has been at an all-time low. He has even revealed ways to minimize my joint pain. Most importantly, I have been instilled with a new zeal for life and a longing to do His will. My future may feel unsure, but I know that I can rest assured in His plans for me. 

As a mother, I rejoice in answered prayer for my daughter’s freedom in Christ. The darkness no longer deceives her. Things weren’t what they seemed; although hope had disappeared, her reality had never changed. Lillie was and is safe in the arms of her heavenly Father. I am thankful to Him for His patient love. He knows what each heart must endure in order to be drawn closer to His Son. As His people, may we run quickly to Him at the onset of every trial. And may we lift up Christ and Christ alone, realizing that all of His people, no matter how they seem, are utterly dependent on Him.