At the end of September, I believed my fall allergies were getting the best of me. Unfortunately, they weren’t to blame for my throat problems. Neither was Covid or strep throat. Some wicked virus had attached itself to me and remained my close companion for weeks. Laryngitis set in and I ended up missing rehearsals, voice lessons, choir classes, and worship services. Patrick had to double up on household and driving duties. But the biggest concern was potentially missing a women’s conference that had been on my calendar since January.
During these days of total silence, several interesting occurrences took place. One sunny afternoon, I thought I’d try to get some vitamin D and returned from my lawn chair with over twenty no-see-um bug bites all over my body. I also learned I had disappointed a dear friend and had been doing so for months, which brought great sorrow. The list goes on of various discouraging scenarios that found me in the quiet.
I am not a quiet person by nature. I forget how noisy I am until I can’t be! Apparently, I sing or hum constantly. Countless times, I caught myself attempting to do so to no avail. Nothing would come out! And as I would listen to my family converse, I became keenly aware of the myriad of comments I normally would add. When you must choose what is truly worth saying, you realize that not much is actually needed! By putting me in the quiet, the Lord was revealing new sections of my heart that needed refinement.
God was gracious to give me enough voice for two speaking sessions on the second day of the conference. I awoke that morning covered in peace and feeling better than I had in weeks. He even answered my prayer that I would wake up just a few minutes before my alarm rang. I felt totally sustained by His tender hand.
Our drive to the event was restful as we watched the sun peek out over the horizon. Setup was easy and all was well. A few minutes before starting time, I went to the restroom to put on my microphone. The worship team began the music—two songs, then I was on. I attempted to bring the earpiece of the mic though the back of my shirt. Immediately, I realized this was a poor decision, but there was no turning back. I contorted my body and tangled my hair, and after much trial and tribulation, succeeded. But then I realized the black foam piece of the microphone was missing! Was it still in my shirt? Had it fallen into my purse with its five pockets open? Was it on the bathroom floor? The music kept playing from the other room and I began to panic.
My heart was racing as I searched high and low. My peace was fleeing. I stopped and put my hands on the sink counter and bowed my head in desperation, “Lord, help me!” Immediately, a sweet woman entered the bathroom, and I told her my dilemma. She quickly found the missing piece and I was on my way. I recomposed myself with a grin recognizing this last attempt from the enemy to undo this day’s purpose, an event ordained for my life since before time began.
Lord, You are my God;
I will exalt You, I will give thanks to Your name;
For You have worked wonders,
Plans formed long ago, with perfect faithfulness. (Isaiah 25:1)
Forces of evil can do nothing without the permission of God. His plans were formed long ago, and with perfection. Satan had to ask God to afflict Job. And Jesus told Simon Peter, “Satan has [begged] for the opportunity to destroy you” (Luke 22:31). The enemy makes not one move without the okay from a higher power.
I can imagine the Lord saying, “You may go this far and no further.” How thankful I am for His constraining hand! My Father allows what my heart needs. He is interested in my spiritual surety. He desires that I lean on Him alone. When I live with this kind of understanding and trust, nothing can undo me. I shared with the women at the conference that any “woe is me” mindset disappears when we remember He alone is in charge. We rest in the noise. We rest in the quiet.
Be still, and know that I am God. (Psalm 46:10)
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