On the day we were taking our firstborn to college, Patrick and I drove into town to rent a vehicle large enough for her belongings. We then separated, and I went in a different direction so I could drop off our dog at his sitter’s. I then traveled the long country road home consumed by my thoughts of all this day held, and I began to weep. Truly, this was the day I had dreaded since I learned I was expecting Liliana. I knew the years would fly by without my ability to hold them. This day had loomed in the distance for so long, and suddenly, it was upon me, catching me off my guard and causing my heart to ache.
As I wept and prayed and worshipped the Lord for the gift of this dear daughter, a specific memory flooded my mind. It was a scene from Lillie’s pink nursery when she was a newborn baby. I was standing next to her black crib watching her sleep, and I found myself in total awe of the wonder of new life. In complete and utter gratitude to the Lord for blessing me this way, my hands lifted in His praise as high as they could go. With deep, heartfelt thanksgiving to my King, I wept and worshipped Him, knowing I had been highly favored with the gift of this treasure. I prayerfully expressed my desire to give her wholeheartedly back to Him.
Today, I spent some time in Lillie’s room. She’s been gone from home for only a couple of days. Though I am incredibly excited for her with what this new phase of life at the conservatory entails, I am sad. I think I’m struggling to believe this day has actually arrived; waves of grief wash over me at any given moment. However, there in the shadow of my sorrow lingers that deep, heartfelt thanksgiving that I have carried for over eighteen years.
I dusted and organized her bookshelves and sorted the miscellaneous items she left behind. I looked through her high school memorabilia and enjoyed many precious memories from her special and unique journey. And then I found myself standing by her bed once more, in the exact same spot I had stood in back in May of 2007. With my hands lifted to the Lord as high as they could go, I wept and worshipped Him, knowing that I have been highly favored with the gift of this treasure. And I prayerfully expressed my desire to give her wholeheartedly to Him yet again.
So I will bless You as long as I live;
I will lift up my hands in Your name. (Psalm 63:4)
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