Struggling Before God

I love the psalms. They have met me in every season of life since I was twelve years old. The psalmists’ raw honesty make them relatable. There have been dark periods of my life when I have wondered, “Can things be any worse?” And then I read the psalms. Yes. Yes, they can.

Psalm 88 is considered by some theologians to be the darkest psalm of the psalter. Heman acknowledges in verse one that God is the only One who can save him, saying, “Lord, the God of my salvation,” but things go downhill quickly.

Heman complains of being near death, abandoned as one who is dead, without strength, without friend or lover, and engulfed in terrors and sufferings that add up to great physical and emotional turmoil. He felt forgotten by God.

What is unique about this song is that it doesn’t offer us the usual story shift. You know, the one when everything turns out all right, or at least when the psalmist’s heart changes to praise despite his despair. Why? Are we missing the end of the psalm? No, there is purpose behind this difficult ending.

Though he suffered in his darkest place, Heman was undeterred in crying out all day and night to the Lord, the God he knew to be his salvation. We see Heman’s efforts in verses 1, 2, 9, and 13. His earnest and fervent prayers were continually offered from his place of grief, believing God would eventually answer. 

This type of faithful, active prayer brings change, not to God, but to us. Charles Spurgeon says, “Evil is transformed to good when it drives us to prayer.” When I am in the pit, my prayers are more desperate, more consistent, more meaningful, and more poignant. The act of being driven to prayer, though difficult, yields great reward: more good!

Psalm 88 shouldn’t be seen as a depressing, sad story without an appropriate ending. Rather, it is the struggle of one man in his personal pit of despair. But he struggled before God! This is beautiful. This is faith!

Psalm 18 

Lord, the God of my salvation,
I have cried out by day and in the night before You.

2 Let my prayer come before You;
Incline Your ear to my cry!

3 For my soul has had enough troubles,
And my life has approached Sheol.

4 I am counted among those who go down to the pit;
I have become like a man without strength,

5 Abandoned among the dead,
Like the slain who lie in the grave,
Whom You no longer remember,
And they are cut off from Your hand.

6 You have put me in the lowest pit,
In dark places, in the depths.

7 Your wrath has rested upon me,
And You have afflicted me with all Your waves. Selah

8 You have removed my acquaintances far from me;
You have made me an object of loathing to them;
I am shut up and cannot go out.

9 My eye grows dim from misery;
I have called upon You every day, Lord;
I have spread out my hands to You.

10 Will You perform wonders for the dead?
Or will the departed spirits rise and praise You? Selah

11 Will Your graciousness be declared in the grave,
Your faithfulness in Abaddon?

12 Will Your wonders be made known in the darkness?
And Your righteousness in the land of forgetfulness?

13 But I, Lord, have cried out to You for help,
And in the morning my prayer comes before You.

14 Lord, why do You reject my soul?
Why do You hide Your face from me?

15 I was miserable and about to die from my youth on;
I suffer Your terrors; I grow weary.

16 Your burning anger has passed over me;
Your terrors have destroyed me.

17 They have surrounded me like water all day long;
They have encircled me altogether.

18 You have removed lover and friend far from me;
My acquaintances are in a hiding place.


Our dog wears a puffy neck collar to prevent him from licking his paws and underarms. We’ve named it his BIP (Built-In-Pillow). To our surprise, he has grown to love his “Bippy.” He happily comes to us each time we need to put it on him. 

I’ve pondered Tempo’s affection for something that constrains him. It’s unusual to adore that which prevents you from doing what you want. If left to his own devices, however, he damages his skin. We restrain him because we love him. 

The Holy Spirit does something similar with us. His loving conviction warns us of potential dangers. He is our Built-In-Pillow, protecting us from ourselves! If left to our own devices, we would scratch every itch the world throws at us. Thankfully, we are not alone in this battle with our flesh. Jesus told His men, “And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you” (John 14:16-17).

When we reject the Holy Spirit’s conviction and pursue our sin, we neglect our calling, we limit our faith, we bind our ministry, and worst of all, we dishonor our Savior. Because we do not want these things to happen, the protection of the Holy Spirit (our BIP!), is a gift that we genuinely love and appreciate. Even through the pain of conviction and the sorrow of repentance, we rejoice because these things are evidences of our faith and our salvation. Our Bippy represents the Father’s deep love for us. 

I cannot begin to imagine where I’d be without the Holy Spirit’s guidance and benevolent restraint. I’m even grateful for the times when He has let me fail, because there is nothing so sweet as restoration nor as valuable as wisdom gleaned. 

Tempo and I have much in common: We love our Bippy!  

Graduation Prayer

It was my privilege to offer this prayer over this year’s graduating seniors of Highlands Latin School:

Father, it is with grateful hearts that we offer our praise to You, Lord Almighty, the King of all creation, for Your faithfulness in bringing us to this momentous occasion when Abi, Stuart, Ava, Amelia, James, Steven, Rosemary, Josh, and Sam close one chapter of life and begin another.

You were on Your throne when You thought of each of them before the foundation of the world. You were on Your throne when You intricately wove them in their mother’s wombs. You were on Your throne the moment they took their first inhale and You’ve been on Your throne for every birthday celebration since.

You were on Your throne through every storm of life, through every struggle, through every sickness, and even through devastating loss.

You were on Your throne through every triumph over sin, through every defeat of deception, through every social grace given in Your name, through every hour spent in diligence and dedication to the growth of their minds.

And You were on Your throne when major life decisions were made about this next chapter.

So, Lord, we ask that You be present now and remind them as they move out from under the umbrella of this institution that You are still on Your throne. You’ve ordained their steps. Their hearts make plans, but every answer is on Your tongue. 

Teach them to keep their hands open and resist clinging to lesser affections that cannot truly satisfy, but rather, make them eager for what You desire to place in their hands. For You are on Your throne seeing the full scope of their lives.

Remind Abi, Stuart, Ava, Amelia, James, Steven, Rosemary, Josh, and Sam that it is only through their submission and obedience to Your Son, Jesus Christ, that they will find life, freedom, contentment, peace, and even happiness. 

This is a very happy day, Lord! No more navy pants and skirts and knee-high socks. No more do-re-mi scales. No more long recitations and Latin translations. And yet, with every lesson learned and every note sung throughout their education, You have shaped them into more of Christ’s likeness. We trust You to continue doing so throughout all the days of their lives, both for their good and for Your glory, because You are on Your throne.

It’s in the matchless name of Jesus Christ we pray these things, Amen. 

April Showers

If April showers bring May flowers, what do Mayflowers bring? Pilgrims! I’ve always loved this little springtime joke. And though I’m not necessarily a fan of April showers, I do love signs of spring. Spring means more to me than a change in weather and new budding life on trees. It means summer is a-comin’! I’ve written often about my affection for the summer and all it happily represents for our lives and schedules. 

This April is particularly laden with must-dos. As Dolly Parton put it in Steel Magnolias, I’m “busier than a one-armed paper hanger!” If people are busy, does that make them important? No, it makes them busy. Perhaps it’s their particular season of life. Perhaps they don’t manage their time well. Perhaps they have too many part-time jobs (me!). There can be a myriad of reasons that someone is busy, but importance isn’t one of them. Can’t be. And here is why:

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. (Galatians 3:28)

At the foot of the cross, there is no black or white or rich or poor or busy or non-busy. No one is more important than another. If we are in Christ, our significance is secured by Him. To be in Christ is to be highly favored, beloved with a specific love, and called with an intentional calling. Those living in rebellion against His lordship not only forgo these benefits, they are also subject to His wrath. This may not sound politically correct, but it is biblically correct.

But the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him… (Psalm 103:17)

As the people of God, we fall at the foot of the cross in humble gratitude for Christ’s sacrifice. We kneel in total reverence to His lordship. We submit to His authority. We surrender to His will. And we offer our whole selves in every season of life. Whether in the sorrowful puddles of April showers or the joyful dance of May flowers, we are pilgrims on a journey of incredible grace and incomparable hope!

Happy spring, everyone!

Hope in Christ

In Peter’s writings he explains that our hope is fully grounded in Christ. It’s not a temporary hope or a false hope or even a meager hope. The hope we possess in Christ is utterly satisfying and totally complete! This is true because it’s based on what Christ has done, what He is doing, and what He will do. Our hope in Him both inspires and enables our action. We live out our hope no matter what. Pandemics, disease, division, even war cannot thwart our hope in Christ! 

How are you living out your hope?

We put out a new worship song with each new sermon series at Harbour Shores Church. This Sunday we are excited to debut Hope in Christ based in First Peter. 

We are grass that quickly fades
We are flow’rs that fall away
Yet Your Word is faithful, make us strong and able
By the Spirit’s perfect sway

Hope in Christ
O my soul
Hope in Christ
O my soul
Hope in Christ
Hope in Christ

Tested by Your holy fire
Chosen people, Your desire
Once so lost in darkness, now Your light shines ’round us
Make this anthem mark our life:

Hope in Christ
O my soul
Hope in Christ
O my soul
Hope in Christ
Hope in Christ

May ev’ry word I speak
May ev-ry thought I think
May ev’ry choice I make
Be all for Your name’s sake
Your grace displayed in me
Christ, my identity
Your pow’r in all I do
With each breath I choose to

Hope in Christ
O my soul
Hope in Christ
O my soul
Hope in Christ
Hope in Christ

There will be more grace to come
When we see Your perfect Son
His eternal glory seals redemption’s story
Hope is ours, forever won

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable, undefiled, and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which perishes though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise, glory, and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ; and though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, obtaining as the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls. (1 Peter 1:3-9)

We Have a Wonderful Guest at Our House

Our family recently lost a treasure as Patricia Jean Marshall (Aunt Pat) entered the Lord’s perfect presence, leaving behind this tired world of pain and suffering. If I’m honest, I’m a little jealous. I would give anything to catch a glimpse of what she’s seeing. She didn’t leave us empty-handed, however. Warm, vivid memories remain of her attention to beauty and her Christ-like love.

There are certain things that will always remind me of Aunt Pat. She taught me to love pimento cheese and lemon poppy seed bread. I remember beautiful breakfast tables with warmed plates. She also possessed the coolest refrigerator ever with a magic button on the inside of the door that served as a water dispenser. I recall a shopping scene when I’d fallen in love with a red Swatch shirt that I couldn’t afford, only to find out later she’d purchased it when I wasn’t looking. She was generous and “gifty” and a little bit sneaky—all qualities of the perfect woman!

Aunt Pat played a role in my singing career, often bringing me music when I was a young girl. Here are a few lyrics from a song I remember performing many times after she’d discovered it: 

We Have a Wonderful Guest at Our House
by Louis P. Leeman in 1955

We have a wonderful Guest at our house
He makes our home a heaven every day
And this wonderful Guest at our house
Has promised us He’ll never go away

He brought a lovely letter from His Father up above
And every day we read it, it tells us of His love
And when we go to sleep at night
He see that everything’s all right
This wonderful Guest at our house
He makes our home a heaven every day

I really mean it
He makes our home a heaven every day
His name is Jesus
He makes our home a heaven every day

I adored that “I really mean it” line—I felt so jazzy when I sang it! Aunt Pat taught me that faith is more than a feeling, however. She really meant it when she proclaimed God’s goodness. She really meant it when she prayed for me. She really meant it when she said, “I love you more.” I have known Christ’s love because of Pat Marshall. Watching her welcome the wonderful Guest into her house with such confident hope has shaped my faith.

And now, she is a guest in His house, realizing all she believed of her Savior was but a drop in the bucket of His true worth and glory. I am thankful for my godly heritage, the things taught to me by this special woman. I still really love pimento cheese and lemon poppy seed bread, but I am most grateful that I have a wonderful Guest at my house. 

This Covid Reality

I have not entertained the idea of writing about the COVID-19 disaster until now, but as I recover from my second round of it, I feel it deserves some decent reflection. We’ve all watched as the entire world has responded to this pandemic. The fear that began in each heart soon turned to frustration and division for many. People have expressed blame, anger, even hate. Division is rampant, even amongst close family members, concerning governmental methods or opposing views on the vaccine. Most of us have also known the sorrow of losing someone. At the minimum, plans have been interrupted and dreams have died.

Covid is no small blot on history’s calendar. We will undoubtedly tell of its horrors to the generations to come. I recently joked with a friend, “I hope when we’re in a nursing home together that we are saying ‘Do you remember Covid?’ and not, ‘Birtha next door has Covid!’” Who knows how long this will last, how it will continue to shift, and how its effects will play out over the years? These thoughts probably provoke in you an opinion to share or a joke of your own. 

My grandest thought about it all can be summed up in two words: He knew. 

Does any believer who understands the sovereignty of God doubt that He knew this was coming? Dare we argue that He ordained this? If God is indeed who He says He is, then we must admit that this was allowed by His almighty hand. And therefore, we must conclude that it perfectly fits into His perfect plan for His people. So! The last step in my reflection on this Covid reality is to trustingly voice this simple prayer:  I am thankful to You, Father, for how You will use Covid in my life.

Have you thanked Him yet? Paul says to “give thanks in all circumstances” (1 Thessalonians 5:18) and James tells us to “count it all joy” (James 1:2) when we endure trials. There is a steadfastness being produced in us as we submit to God’s sovereign rule and choose thankfulness, especially in the throes of disaster. 

Christmas Surprise

This year, I decided to wrap presents as I purchased them. On the night we finished putting up our tree, Patrick took the girls to ballet and the house was all mine. I went to all of my hiding places and gathered the wrapped boxes and placed them perfectly under the tree. When my family came home, they were delighted to see all the fun that awaits them on Christmas morning.

I am most happy when I am plotting a surprise, whether small or large. I realize some people do not enjoy being surprised. Walking into a dark room and having 50 people yell “surprise!” is their worst nightmare. However, everyone appreciates a gift that is surprising, the kind that proves they are loved, seen, and understood.

When the Father gave the Son, the world was taken by surprise. We could not comprehend the true value of such a gift. But as we individually receive His grace, we realize we are loved, seen, and understood. We are called from darkness and are rescued from the chains of sin and death!

The gift of Christ is not to be celebrated like some treat under the tree. Rather, His presence is the present of all presents! It is an eternal gift of matchless magnitude and grace. May we never cease to be surprised by it.

Merry Christmas!

The Pursuit of Friendship

I have spent my life in pursuit of friendship. I’m fortunate to have known the pleasure and fruit of that pursuit with many precious relationships. Every season of my life contains a list of close friends, and I still keep contact with many of them. 

Of course, I’ve also known the sting of lost relationships. In fifth grade, my best friend Roberta moved away, and I’ve never been able to find her, even with today’s technology. People move on. Some have left me, though their physical address has not changed. Some have betrayed me. I’ve lost others through the separation of death. Though friendship can mean the joy of companionship, it can also mean the sting of loss.

Through the years, I’ve made many friendship blunders. I now understand my own capacity for relationship and the pitfalls that come with it. I’ve learned what others can manage in their personal capacities and how to meet their needs accordingly. And though this learning process has been wrought with trial and error, I wouldn’t trade what I’ve gleaned. May my contentment always be grounded in what I can give more than what I can receive.

As I analyze my current understanding of friendship and the value of true and tried relationships, I find myself coming full circle to the truth behind my personal pursuit of friendship: I want to be loved and appreciated by others. Though this is my fleshly desire, the truth is I was made for companionship. We all were. May my actions always be grounded in how I can love more than how I can be loved.

Whether I am left behind or even betrayed, there is One who understands this kind of pain and who has promised never to be the cause of it. Christ is, and always will be, my ultimate best Friend. May my heart always be grounded in the pursuit of THIS friendship.

Perhaps you’re eager for a faithful friend. Perhaps you wonder if it is even possible to have one. With Jesus, there is no perhaps. Lean into your Companion with the full weight of your trust, for He will not fail you. He will not betray you and He will never leave you.

…He Himself has said, “I WILL NEVER DESERT YOU, NOR WILL I EVER ABANDON YOU,” so that we confidently say,


The Rise of Fall

If you’ve read my annual fall posts, you know my sadness over the changing weather. It’s not that I don’t enjoy the magnificent handiwork of God in the beautiful array of colors at every corner. It’s not that I don’t love a bowl of warm grits after a long night of rehearsals. I can even appreciate a nice sweater. The reason I dread the rise of fall is because I mourn the passing of summer. I love heat. Daily walks with the sun beating down on my shoulders is pure delight. 

I also cherish the summer freedom we experience as musicians and as parents of two busy girls. No choirs to direct or accompany, no orchestra rehearsals or performances, no ballet classes, no school activities or homework, no, no, no.… Though we cherish these things and can do them “in our sleep,” we enjoy literal sleep! 

Now, that being said, this past summer was intense! Thirteen weeks of launching Truth Matters was no small undertaking. In fact, in many ways, this fall comes as a welcome relief! 

But here’s the truth of this matter: I desire to be a grateful woman in every season. I want to radiate trust in Christ whether juggling a cold hectic schedule or basking in the warmth of rest. I aspire to be thankful, whether it be in the rainy seasons of trial or the difficult seasons of waiting. I will listen for His voice in the sprints and in the pauses, for He is certainly in both. 

Lord, let’s do this fall thing. I’m ready.

May the glory of the Lord endure forever;
May the Lord rejoice in His works;
He looks at the earth, and it trembles;
He touches the mountains, and they smoke.
I will sing to the Lord as long as I live;
I will sing praise to my God while I have my being.
May my praise be pleasing to Him;
As for me, I shall rejoice in the Lord. (Psalm 104:31-34)